Learning how to get through a divorce can be a difficult thing. It's a difficult transition and can feel like a roller coast ride about to veer off the tracks at any moment. You will get through this process however! You may have to remind yourself of this, but remember that in divorce exists the potential for positive change. The positives may seem elusive now, but they are there.
Many lawyers and law firms talk and write mostly about themselves, but let's stay focused on you.
Your life. Your kids. Your decisions. Your Divorce.
As you start down this path, we suggest you do a little research. Learn about your options, review the articles on this website. Read a couple of helpful books such as The Good Divorce (Ahrons) or Mom's House Dad's House (Ricci). In fact, buy two copies and share them with your spouse as it might be the best $20.00 you ever spent.
Get Help from the Right People
Lawyers and mediators are not unlike doctors or mechanics. There are some genuinely concerned with helping, while others are much more interested in helping themselves. Remember as a group we're skilled at manipulating people, so don't hire someone just because he tells you what you want to hear or because she has a fancy downtown office. Some firms may list 12 different locations across Massachusetts, but these are use-by-the hour or day office suites. There is nothing wrong with that, but don't be impressed by these illusions of grandeur. Ask questions. Listen and read carefully.
Most importantly, with some effort you get through your divorce!
You don't have to spend tens of thousands of dollars or more to get favorable results, although plenty of attorneys will be happy to encourage you otherwise. Although we make more money when people go to court, we urge you to consider less adversarial options such as divorce mediation and the collaborative divorce process. For those methods to work, you and your spouse don't need to agree on everything, but you both need to willingly participate. Early on, talk to your spouse about how you can BOTH have a better divorce, and one that is much better for your children.
One of our well-educated clients recently summarized her feelings nicely about divorce:
“Divorce sucks!” she wrote in an email, and she's right.
I compare it to getting a root canal – you want it done the right way, you prefer it not last any longer than necessary, and there are about a million things you'd rather spend money on.
What to do next?
If you're are ready to have a conversation with us about your situation, please call mediator Steve McDonough at (508) 359-4043. You can also learn more about out initial consultations here.